Why Women Think Men Don’t Listen

 

Ever feel like men don’t listen at all? In this very last episode of Speakers Who Get Results, Elizabeth Bachman explores gender miscommunication in the workplace and the best approaches to solve it. She delves into the concept of “getting lost in translation,” explaining how different thinking styles can lead to misunderstandings and frustration. Elizabeth also provides insights on how to bridge this gap, improve communication, and create a more productive and inclusive environment for everyone.

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Why Women Think Men Don’t Listen

The Simple Solution To Gender Miscommunication

Speakers Who Get Results’ Last Podcast Episode

This is the show where we talk about presentation skills, leadership, communication, and also gender equity, visibility, and diversity, especially my personal favorite, the nuances of language and how that applies in a global workplace. This show is about communication for leaders. Yes, we talk about how you deliver your speech, write your speech, and get booked as a speaker. We also talk about communication within an organization. How do you lead your team? How can you be heard and show up as a leader? I launched this show in December of 2019 and I’m doing this episode in December of 2024, exactly five years later. It’s time to finish. We’re going on hiatus for a while, maybe forever.

For my last episode, I wanted to tell you a bit about how my thinking has evolved, how this show has been part of it, and where my thought leadership is. I started this show to provide information and strategies to my clients. 8 out of 10 of the high-level executive women that I speak with tell me that although they may have a seat at the table, they’re still not being listened to. They see promotions and recognition go to louder, flashier people. They’re frustrated. They’re hitting the glass ceiling. Usually, that’s when one of their friends says, “Go talk to Elizabeth.” I hear this over and over when somebody comes to talk to me.

I started this show to get more information, not just from my brain but from many experts who could share insights. I could learn from other very smart people. For the sake of those who aren’t being heard and who need some help, I’m incredibly grateful to all the experts who’ve joined us. Check out their website. You’ll see all their names. I’m especially proud that this is an international show, although 2/3 of my readers are in the US and a good 30% or more are reading from around the world.

It’s people Mei Lin in Vietnam, Birgitta in Sweden, and Anton in Germany. He contacted me from Heidelberg. Jorge in Barcelona had said he’d follow my show. I’ve lived an international life since I was seventeen years old and I’m very proud of that. I work very hard to make that happen. Most of the comments are along the lines of what Janet in Silicon Valley said. She said, “I listened to their show faithfully every time it comes out because I know there’s going to be something interesting, a good conversation, and at the end, there will be something concrete that I can implement.” I’m very proud of that.

One of the most common questions I get is how can I get them to listen to me? One of the things that I’ve realized is that being seen as a leader is how you show up, or executive presence, you could call it, how you speak, and also how you communicate with the people around you, which is what I spent 30 years in the international opera business doing, helping opera singers show up as leaders. It turns out the difference between corporations and opera companies isn’t all that big. It’s just vocabulary.

 

Why “Lost in Translation” Is A Common Workplace Problem

Show up as a leader. It’s easy. Lots and lots of people talk about this. What I realized is there’s a fundamental breakdown in communication that most people don’t talk about. It’s so common that we take it for granted. It’s one of the major causes of unhappiness, frustration, and irritation in the workplace. I call it Lost in Translation. It’s the topic that I speak on the most, whether in a keynote address, a podcast, or a workshop.

On one hand, we know that statistics tell us that organizations that have diverse voices, especially in leadership, have better profits and greater ROI. There’s lots and lots of statistical proof for that but when those diverse voices aren’t listened to, especially the women, they get fed up and quit in frustration. Here you have an organization that’s spent a lot of time and money bringing great women in, not listening to them, and then they walk away, which is expensive for the person who quits. It’s also very expensive for the organization.

Turnover is expensive. When you lose somebody good, not only do you lose their expertise or institutional knowledge. The projects that they’re working on slow down because they don’t have that person at the head of it. You have to hire a recruiter, which is also expensive. This is a cost that doesn’t have to happen. It’s an old pattern. It doesn’t have to be that way once we realize what’s going on.

Difference Between Single-Focus and Multi-Focus Thinkers

Think for a minute. Have you ever heard a woman say, “Men, they never listen?” Have you heard a man say, “Women, they go on and on. They never get to the point?” Both things are true. The problem is we’re using the same words but speaking different languages. This has historically been called men’s language and women’s language but it’s not that binary. Especially in the last several years, the differences have been devolved. It’s more of a spectrum than a binary.

Men and women use the same words but speak different languages. Share on X

For the sake of clarity, let’s call them single-focus thinkers and multi-focus thinkers. You have the single-focus thinkers who are historically men, traditionally men, but not always. You have the multi-focus thinkers who are historically women, traditionally women, but not always. Single-focus thinkers are task-oriented. They are the ones who do one thing at a time and don’t try to interrupt them because they won’t hear you. That’s great because that’s how things get done.

The multi-focus thinkers, on the other hand, are the ones who can keep five things going in their heads at once. They see the world in a web of relationships. They’re the ones who are going to notice the side issues such as, “Before we spend all this money making this fancy new app, has anybody asked the client if they want it?” That’s a direct quote from one of my clients.

 

The problem that comes for single-focus thinkers is that they can get into tunnel vision. The multi-focus thinkers, because of the web of relationships, are trying to talk to the single-focus thinkers. The single-focus thinker is focused so it’s not listening. The multi-focus thinker tends to think that it’s a personal rejection. This happens all the time. It’s very common. If you recognize that there are two languages going on, then you won’t expect to understand each other. You need the single-focus and multi-focus working to have a good team.

If you recognize that the other person is hearing something else or you think you know what you’ve said but they don’t understand you, then you can adapt. I like to think of it as if the single-focus speakers speak Spanish and the multi-focus thinkers speak Italian. If you’re going to speak Italian to a Spaniard, they’re going to understand the basics of what you have to say because the languages are very similar. For anything important, you’ve got to get a translator.

This is the Lost in Translation problem that causes so much irritation. Frankly, if someone’s speaking a language you don’t understand, it’s easy to tune them out. We’re so used to it that we take it for granted. Men don’t listen and women never get to the point. This is a highly simplified version of a very nuanced subject. What if it didn’t have to be that way? What if those smart women didn’t have to quit because they could speak to their colleagues in a language that the others understood?

How To Solve The “Lost in Translation” Problem

What if the single-focus thinkers realized, “Why do multi-focus colleagues were unhappy?” If you pay attention, acknowledge them, and give them the full focus, then we will be able to communicate with each other. It’s possible. I’ve seen it happen over and over again. This is the heart of what I do. When you solve this problem, you can be a speaker, a leader, and a communicator who gets results. Exactly how to solve the problem depends on who you are. If this resonates with you, please contact me. There are many ways to tackle this problem. I can talk to you at that point.

 

Thank You To The Listeners and A Final Farewell

As we wind up this show, I must thank the brilliant, wonderful experts who have been guests and who’ve shared their knowledge with us. Their insights have broadened my knowledge in ways I never imagined. Thank you, audience, for joining me on this journey. You can still subscribe, leave a review, and share this show with everything with your friends. It’s five years’ worth of content so it’ll take you a while to get through it all. It’s been an honor to be the host of this show. Whether you’ve been with me since the beginning or this is your first episode, I’m so grateful for your time and attention. This is Elizabeth Bachman, signing off.

 

Important Links

• Elizabeth Bachman on LinkedIn
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